Talk:American Association of Retired Persons
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft:
- The information you provide under the "History" heading would probably be better off as the intro section at the top of the page (where you should also replace the Microsoft stuff with info about the AARP in the infobox). You should also be careful about lifting information verbatim from the AARP's website rather than summarizing and explaining it in your own words --
- In addition to the "founding" subsection, you might create additional subsections chronicling the AARP's development since the 1960s. On that note, you might flesh out the "founding" subsection with more information about Dr. Andrus's motivations and the steps she took to get the AARP off the ground.
- The "Current Activities and Objectives" section reads a bit too much like organizational propaganda rather than a researcher's explanation of what that organization is seeking to achieve and how it's going about it.
- In addition to listing the AARP's current officers, the "Organizational Structure" section might explain more generally how the organization is set up and what its leadership roles are.
- In the "Achievements" section, you might explain more about the AARP's role in achieving Medicare. You might also discuss others of their "notable achievements," perhaps devoting a paragraph of subsection to each.
- The two items mentioned in the "Public perception and controversies" section should each be elaborated upon much more extensively in its own paragraph or subsection.
Shamira Gelbman 18:48, 4 October 2009 (UTC)
Second (peer) evaluation comments
I would recommend, as Shamira said, to talk more about Medicare if you can because it's arguably the most significant accomplishment of the AARP.
There are grammatical mistakes and spacing errors throughout although i'm sure that you realize that and will clean that up.
As for the controversies section, more information about the support of Obama's health care plan would be great because it's a hot topic currently. You mentioned how membership totals have slipped slightly, but you could mention where those people are turning their attention. I have read about a similar group that is emerging although with slightly different opinions. However, that's totally up to you.
Other than things being out of order and some obvious areas that need to be filled still, Shamira covered most of the things I noticed. Overall, not too bad.
Michael Pudge 19:30, 29 October 2009 (UTC)