First (instructor) evaluation comments
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already been developing, but keep in mind that you still need to fill in the other sections as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages.
- In the "Founding" subsection, you might explain a bit more about what motivated Livingston to found the ADL and the historical context in which he did so.
- Try to explain the organization's development in your own words rather than rely on long direct quotes from the ADL website (as you do, e.g., in the "1920s-1930s" subsection). On that note, you might extend your research to include additional sources beyond adl.org
- Overall, the "History" section is a bit disjointed; while the subsection structure is basically sound, you might try to make the section flow more smoothly with transitional sentences that overview the ADL's changing practices and priorities.
- The "Current objectives and activities" section is rather vague (especially in contrast to the "History" one).
- The episode you recount in the "Achievements" section is interesting, but you might do more to explain why the ADL was involved and what it did to contribute to the outcome. You might further develop the section with some discussion of additional achievements, especially legislative victories (some of which you already mention in the "History" section).
- Finally, throughout the entry, you might put double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]]) around key terms to create links to related Citizendium articles; e.g. Independent Order of the B'nai Brith, Ku Klux Klan, Holocaust, etc.
Shamira Gelbman 14:54, 7 October 2009 (UTC)
- Also broader topics, and links to them, such as antisemitism and Islamophobia Howard C. Berkowitz 15:52, 7 October 2009 (UTC)
Cleaning up from Eduzendium; collaboration invited
Recently, I've been working on this to make it more CZ-style. In the Eduzendium version, it used principally quotes from ADL's website, which also tended to minimize any criticism. I've also been working on the flow, such as removing the decade-by-decade history sections that simply served as places to paste ADL material.
I really welcome flow and content suggestions. You'll see that I've been replacing many ADL statements with things from independent sources, both critical and supportive. Since there's been much cutting and pasting -- I'm going back to paraphrase -- I'm sure copy editing.
At present, I think it's worth keeping the EZ comments to understand the background, but to archive them once others start to work on it. --Howard C. Berkowitz 00:54, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
- The 'List of extremists' should surely be a subpage of Catalogs. And I'm thinking it should probably have an explanatory paragraph explaining who considers them extremists (i.e. that it isn't Citizendium who considers them extremists, but presumably the ADL). –Tom Morris 02:09, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
- Tom, that was an experiment. I frankly don't understand the distinction between Catalogs, which can have anything under them, and article-specific subpages. This is a matter for the EC.
- Feel free to insert an introductory paragraph. Howard C. Berkowitz 02:26, 25 October 2010 (UTC)